I found during my daily wandering around facebook today, that my dear cousin and long-time friend, Lindsay, has a blogspot. I was wondering what happened to her in xanga-land, but was happy to be able to catch up on a bit of her life. For instance, she and her husband may be moving to New York City. What?!?!!? I was thrilled! But why are my closest people suddenly migrating East? Bizarre occurances. Anyway, Lindz, jump at the opportunity! That rocks. I still have trouble grasping how big of a modeling sensation you are. My lil' farm girl :)
I haven't been good at writing regularly at xanga. I feel like my entries there are more... entertainment, fun stories, randomness. I like to keep up with my many friends' lives, but not necessarily share and bore people to death. Maybe I'll type out some of my feelings here.
I've been reading an amazing book. It's called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I love his writing style, life stories, and such a fresh look at life in Christ -- away from Christian society's lame confining control. We, American Christianity, have been so decieved. We have bought into disgusting lies about consumerism, power, affluence, and close mindedness. Some people of my friends have teasingly called me liberal, activist, etc. but I just want to get back to the core of Jesus. Talk about a liberal activist. But then I laugh at the seeming contradictions in my life. Liberal hippies don't work at investment firms. Oh well, everything is askew with stereotypes.
So when I say I'm trying to figure everything out... I literally am. When I say I don't have a clue where I'm supposed to be, what I should be doing... I don't. When I am confused by who I am, my passions and dreams and talents, what I want to spend my life doing, I am not exagerating my confused state. I somehow seem to have not really looked closely at the path I was heading down. And now, suddenly the insanity of movement, doing, involvement, running and reacting that has characterized my spastic, crazy (don't get me wrong - fun & happy, too!) life the last 6 years has died down. I sit bored, getting the life sucked out of me at my job wondering, how did I get here? Who would want to do this? What happened? Who am I?
Most of my hand written journal entries lately have been mostly questions, I think? :) And I'm not saying I think it's wrong to have an office job managing retirement pension plans for millions of people. No... and I'm not saying that I'm incredibly unhappy and depressed. I still enjoy life. haha! I'm just thinking and reflecting, on the path to eventually draw some conclusions. Getting more post-modern. Like, I shouldn't complain -- how many billions of people would love to have a job pushing papers in freaking America getting paid a living wage. I'm not saying my life is bad. It's just, maybe I could get a job to serve others to improve their living conditions. I just feel too comfortable. And arguably, I don't think that's a good place to be in as a Christian. It's become acceptable to be a comfortable, selfish Christian -- I don't want that fate for me. I want to be the change I want to see in the world!
Time for lunch. Crepes today :)
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3 comments:
yeah, nat, you're actually the very first person to comment on my blog! i just started it a couple weeks ago. i just like the features at blogger so much better than xanga. yeah, NYC--we loved it so much. we're back in chicago now, and i'm waiting to hear if any of the agencies in NY want me. it's a painful wait. but a good one. God is GROWING me. and if the NY stuff doesn't happen now, it may happen down the modeling-line. we'll see. God is in control! have you decided about memorial day?
ok, i just read your whole post! cool. i love it. i feel like i'm constanty asking so many of the same questions.... nat, we've got to get together and talk about this interesting, important, exciting stuff together...just like we used to.
well, as a person in a similar position, i have to say it's about personality... there is so much desire for me to help others, to apply creativity to that, but i have gotten stuck in a position i maybe subconciously chose to avoid the more painstakingly complex and arduous task of being more humanitarian.
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