back in the saddle

Jen & I had a great time in Beantown. I was glad she was with me since Matt had class and worked all day Thursday and most of the day Friday. It was pretty cold--we were always bundled up in heavy coats, gloves, hats, scarves. We took the T (Boston's public transportation system) everywhere.

We did the Freedom Trail (with a stop in the North end near Paul Revere's house in Little Italy. Point of notice: the Freedom Trail seems much better with half a bottle of wine in you...). At the end we took a water ferry instead of walking back across the bridge- so cool! For dinner we met my friend, Joyce, whom I studied abroad with, who now attends grad school at Tufts in Davis Square. We got coffee and then went back to her place for more hang outs.

Friday Jen & I took the Unofficial Hahvahd Tour, which is great. Then we met Matt at Bartley's for the best burgers in Boston. Jen & I played in those beautiful New England leaves in JFK memorial park in front of the Charles River where we even saw a rower in this chilly weather! *picturesque* We took the T to Fenway and walked around it then met Matt in Chinatown. We had some delicious food... including an Indian pancake w/yummy sauce. That night we stopped by Kick Ass Cupcakes, which had just opened. They were fine, but probably not worth $2.75/regular size (aka: tiny)cupcake. Mine was flavored mojito!

Saturday we got a huge breakfast at the Family Restaurant in Matt's closest square, Union Square. Then we began our journey to the JFK museum and presidential library. Well, we took the T and after walking several miles to the end of a bay behind UMass, but still following the signs to the museum, I finally asked a UMass student. She told me to get on the shuttle! That was a long, cold walk, but I'd say it was worth it. I had never been to a presidential library before, but I think I'd like to see more if I'm somewhere near one. For the trip back, we definitely waited for the shuttle, thank goodness.

Sunday we went to a church Matt has been going to a few times. We met a guy who Jen had met at Mizzou, and with whom Matt went to Walden's Pond when their mutual friend was in town a few months ago! Weird! The church was great - I really enjoyed it.

The message was on Ecclesiastes 7, which was fantastic, full of seeming contradiction, yet so full of wisdom. Sorrow is better than laughter... you never reconsider and reassess your life when things are going well. We need those times to force us to reflect and go deeper, to really consider where we are and what we're doing. Like CS Lewis says (paraphrased), "God whispers to us in our pleasures but shouts at us through our pain. Pain is God's megaphone for a deaf heart." Empty laughter is meaningless; our conversations need to go deeper and bring up painful things if neccessary. "Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient spirit is better than the proud spirit" & "Say not 'why were the former days not better than these?' ": it is so easy to compare the 'good old days' with now and be depressed or feel like you are not where you are supposed to be. Things change, and though outwardly things may appear worse, these are the times when you are living with depth and working through big things. I think this period of life is called your twenties. Before this, everything was kind of carefree, decided for you. Also, it's easy to be this way about romantic relationships--oh, for those days when we were first together!! But that is infatuation, not love. Love rides out the hard parts and works through the rough edges of the girl and guy. It's a process of sanctification. God is going to bring you to completion! Patience... It's a grueling marathon, but imagine the joy and victory of the finish line. And finally, don't harbor anger. It lodges in your heart. Sometimes you need time to realize the argument wasn't a big deal. But, that is not an excuse to ignore or run from problems.

This passage and sermon spoke to Matt and I at nearly every turn. Sunday night after walking through Boston Public Gardens, looking around cool shops, eating a hotdog and fried dough from a vendor in the park, and then eating a delicious meal at a Peruvian restaurant, Matt & I sat down at a coffee shop in Union Square and delved into many issues. I cried a lot. We affirmed our love for one another, let our emotions, anger, and confusion show, and made a commitment to work. Many of our relational problems are linked to our personal personality traits and sin problems. We can both be so alike, which is not necessarily a good thing. We tend to go passive-aggressive, to be independent and tending to draw into ourselves, to throw things when we get off the phone, to not allow our emotions to show, to not open ourselves up and work through problems... and for what reason??? We have both been deceived into thinking this is easier, but oh, how it grows. And how it weighs! We aren't sure how to "fix" us... but we are praying and seeking God to move in each of us individually which will make needed changes between us relationally. We need to get down to the heart of the matter which can lead back to those awesome lessons on idols at the Journey. I want to have this free, open, vulnerable, say anything, wear myself on my sleeve, I know everything about you and you about me kind of relationship with him. I want us to work. I want us to fall in love again. We are at the end of ourselves, so maybe we will finally give God a chance to work and have His way with us.

Regardless, He is going to work. And so blessed be His name.

Wedding Weekend

I got to spend the weekend with my sweetheart! He flew in a week ago and spent the day with my mom - yay! We went to a cute outdoor restaurant in old town Florissant for dinner. I took the day off Friday and we went to Grant's Farm and picked up his tux before the rehearsal and dinner. The groomsmen got beersteins with their name and "groomsman" engraved on the mug- they were a hit and used the rest of the weekend. The girls, in addition to jewelry, got cute white jackets with their name and "bridesmaid" embroidered in bright pink- what a cute idea! (mental note taken)

That night we hung out with the wedding party, set up the reception hall, and went to a tiny country bar (we were in the middle of nowhere, MO... Catawissa was the name of the village) for drinks, jukebox singing, and pool. I drove 45 min. home at that point but the guys went to a random lady's pond and stripped down to their boxers for a 2am swim. Matt had such a great time with his old friends... they are a crazy but great group. And Josh & Jenny were so grateful that Matt flew in for the weekend to stand up with them. I am, too!

It was a small wedding- less than 100 people. Josh & Jenny had two receptions because Jenny's family is strict Baptist (no drinking or dancing!) so the first reception was in the church basement with cake and appetizers (what happened to those simple receptions in the church basement right after the ceremony?? There is something lacking from these production-based ceremonies and receptions...) The groomsmen did quite a number on Josh's car. Besides the usual cans trailing behind and writing on the windows, they dumped two trashbags full of packing peanuts in Josh's tiny car. Josh thought it was great... before he saw the peanuts... They took beautiful pictures at the lake behind Jenny's parents' house (see facebook!) and then onto the next reception! Dinner & dancing. And boy, the wedding party and I danced until they shut it down on us. :-)

Matt & I said our goodbyes to the party. The next morning we went to the Journey, which I hope will be my new church, and Iglesia. We ate kabobs with my parents and watched "Wedding Crashers" (how appropriate!) That night we stopped by Creve Coeure Lake so he can picture me there when I tell him I'm there journaling or walking. We shared a tub of Ben & Jerry's. The next morning we got up EARLY so he was at the airport by 5:30. And it was over.

Sigh. He's back to German, I'm back to work. I hope to visit for a week or ten days in September maybe. (the maid of honor was from Boston and said I had to come for apple picking!--it's the only "country" thing she does and it's great! Needless to say, she was a bit in shock of small town midwest culture for a few days :)

Mattie and I are both praying that we will seek God, that He will make things clear to us, and that we will enjoy the ride and purpose of this season. I'm trying to work on communication and being vulnerable. Pray for us, too, please. I need more of God fo sho.

Long-distance

I came into work early this morning so I can leave early and hopefully beat a little of the rush hour out of the city. I'm excited to get to Columbia tonight and spend the evening with Mattie. I saw him last weekend for about the hour I sat next to him at Chili's with all the family and friends after the graduation ceremony. We probably average seeing each other every 2-3 weeks or so. I hope he'll spend a week here in St. Louis before he leaves for Boston. My parents offered to pay him to paint the barn and how great would an entire week together be? We haven't been together more than three days in a row since I left Columbia last July. This distance for ten months has already made us cherish our time together. I guess it has been good practice for him moving to Boston so soon.

Still, a two hour drive a few weekends a month is quite a difference from a plane ride a few times a year. It's a different mindset. We won't be able to randomly get weekends for football games or family things or parties or weddings. It's not "I'll have to see if I can get Matt to drive over for this" but thinking more in terms of going places alone or with my friends in St. Louis. Like, I was going to see if I could save my awesome 7th row free tickets for the Cards game until the Cards play the Royals in late June... but then found out that Matt may have already moved. So I took Jen a couple weekends ago - it was a wonderful time! But it's hard to think about someone you want to spend all of your time with playing an even smaller role in your day-to-day life.

One of his friends handed him a graduation present when he sat down in church last weekend -- a book: "How to Survive Long Distance Relationships". Nathan's long distance relationship hadn't quite worked out, so he thought he may as well pass the book along to Matt. Ha! Comforting... ;-)

Anyway, I don't have any real fears or worries. This isn't something I would worry about -- in a negative way. I am thinking about it to prepare myself for the pending differences and plan ways to keep close despite not seeing each other often. We already watched a TV show "together" (we watched an episode of Lost online while on the phone one night!), but we can also cook a meal together on the phone (an improvised date night?), I can send him CDs or pictures or care packages or collages or art work made from the goodies he gave me for Christmas. Just cute ideas that show I'm thinking of him, ways to improvise being together though a couple thousand miles apart.

And I have sixteen vacation days, eleven that I have to use by the end of the year. I'm excited to see Boston, maybe Cape Cod, New York City... I haven't been out there since I was little. That's fun.

I'm jealous Matt gets to move to a cool new city. I like change, new things and planning. I've spent hours looking over apartment listings for him, purusing the cheapest airfare, and figuring out the bus and subway system.

And I can't reiterate how proud and excited I am for him. His trip to visit Boston to attend the Harvard Divinity School welcome days were just so great for him-- he absolutely loved it. Some of his fears and uncertainties were lessened and he felt more comfortable, capable, and so ready to jump into the exciting program -- it wasn't as snooty, formal, and intimidating as he had feared. It's just so perfect for him. We're so blessed! Harvard! Bah!!