My old youth leader, Elizabeth "Liz", and her husband and two young boys moved back to St. Louis in the last month. My family had them over for dinner last night. It was so good to see her and her ultra-peppy, talkative, always so fun with great stories self! I miss her. I'm so glad for all of the memories and talks I have had with her. I can't believe she's the mother of two wild boys and drives a mini-van! She can't believe Joel & I have grown up. It's weird disconnecting from people-- as she says, people don't age in your memories-- it's a time warp to reunite.
Her boys were so cute! I got to hold and play the littlest one most of the night -- he was a big ole boy! One of the fattest babies I've ever seen! And Liz is SO tiny!
It was so cute to watch my parents play with them, too. My mom whisked the older one off to the trampoline and jumped with him. And my dad was absolutely adorable with the baby, just talking and holding and playing with him.
I hadn't realized how long it had been since I'd hung out with a baby. I seriously cannot remember....years?? That makes me sad. I've never had a lot of babies around with my cousins far away or older. They're so fun and quirky and loveable, even when fussy.
That's all. Just wanted to say babies are neat! I want one! (I told Matt that in a voicemail last night and he said he was so shocked he began talking back to my message. heh heh just like keeping him on his toes...!)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
without words
What if you don't know what to say anymore? Someone's intermittent sadness and negativity and self-deprecation is so depressing. You finally get it out of her what she's upset about... and you have nothing to say. Anything sounds trite, she's heard it all before....
*Being in a relationship won't change your life, attitude, or happiness.
*You're beautiful and loved.
*You're doing so well being strong... Don't renew your friendship with him although I know you're lonely and it's easy and comfortable to you. You've got to heal, get to know yourself, and fight those weaknesses that got you into that drawn-out situation in the first place. I'm sorry it's so hard.
*Stop feeding your emotions and negativity! Take every thought captive to the lordship of Jesus Christ....
She knows these things... but they're not truth in her life, they haven't sunk in. It doesn't make sense to me, but for some reason through nurture and/or nature I sometimes feel like the lone girl with this weird easy-going, "oh well, let's move on to something we can control" practicality. I wish I could relate better. I know it's hard for her, I know she's trying... sometimes her emotions just get the best of her.
If I tell her that someone thinking you're special won't really change your life or outlook or happiness, it just sounds like something someone already in a relationship would say.
So I wander away lamely. Blah...
*Being in a relationship won't change your life, attitude, or happiness.
*You're beautiful and loved.
*You're doing so well being strong... Don't renew your friendship with him although I know you're lonely and it's easy and comfortable to you. You've got to heal, get to know yourself, and fight those weaknesses that got you into that drawn-out situation in the first place. I'm sorry it's so hard.
*Stop feeding your emotions and negativity! Take every thought captive to the lordship of Jesus Christ....
She knows these things... but they're not truth in her life, they haven't sunk in. It doesn't make sense to me, but for some reason through nurture and/or nature I sometimes feel like the lone girl with this weird easy-going, "oh well, let's move on to something we can control" practicality. I wish I could relate better. I know it's hard for her, I know she's trying... sometimes her emotions just get the best of her.
If I tell her that someone thinking you're special won't really change your life or outlook or happiness, it just sounds like something someone already in a relationship would say.
So I wander away lamely. Blah...
skipping
Today I left work at 2:30pm. It was so freeing! I just never see daylight on a weekday unless it's before 8am or after 5pm. There's something depressing for me knowing exactly where I will be from 8-5 every single Monday through Friday for...ever. Sometimes I feel so confined I just want to burst. I feel so bored out of my gourd I just want shriek. Throw my rolly chair out the window and fly away :) ...that's a little extreme.
Although my roommie, Jen, a nurse working three 12-hour nights a week, hates her unreliable, opposite-of-the-world schedule, I envy her. She can set herself up to be off for a week at a time- without taking any vacation! I can't even grasp that. She can volunteer during the days, grocery shop when it's not packed, and leave town without being stuck in rush hour. Not to mention never wake up before 10am.
Oh, and the reason I had to leave early today: a dentist appointment. Pretty wild and free, I know. :-D
Although my roommie, Jen, a nurse working three 12-hour nights a week, hates her unreliable, opposite-of-the-world schedule, I envy her. She can set herself up to be off for a week at a time- without taking any vacation! I can't even grasp that. She can volunteer during the days, grocery shop when it's not packed, and leave town without being stuck in rush hour. Not to mention never wake up before 10am.
Oh, and the reason I had to leave early today: a dentist appointment. Pretty wild and free, I know. :-D
Friday, May 18, 2007
Long-distance
I came into work early this morning so I can leave early and hopefully beat a little of the rush hour out of the city. I'm excited to get to Columbia tonight and spend the evening with Mattie. I saw him last weekend for about the hour I sat next to him at Chili's with all the family and friends after the graduation ceremony. We probably average seeing each other every 2-3 weeks or so. I hope he'll spend a week here in St. Louis before he leaves for Boston. My parents offered to pay him to paint the barn and how great would an entire week together be? We haven't been together more than three days in a row since I left Columbia last July. This distance for ten months has already made us cherish our time together. I guess it has been good practice for him moving to Boston so soon.
Still, a two hour drive a few weekends a month is quite a difference from a plane ride a few times a year. It's a different mindset. We won't be able to randomly get weekends for football games or family things or parties or weddings. It's not "I'll have to see if I can get Matt to drive over for this" but thinking more in terms of going places alone or with my friends in St. Louis. Like, I was going to see if I could save my awesome 7th row free tickets for the Cards game until the Cards play the Royals in late June... but then found out that Matt may have already moved. So I took Jen a couple weekends ago - it was a wonderful time! But it's hard to think about someone you want to spend all of your time with playing an even smaller role in your day-to-day life.
One of his friends handed him a graduation present when he sat down in church last weekend -- a book: "How to Survive Long Distance Relationships". Nathan's long distance relationship hadn't quite worked out, so he thought he may as well pass the book along to Matt. Ha! Comforting... ;-)
Anyway, I don't have any real fears or worries. This isn't something I would worry about -- in a negative way. I am thinking about it to prepare myself for the pending differences and plan ways to keep close despite not seeing each other often. We already watched a TV show "together" (we watched an episode of Lost online while on the phone one night!), but we can also cook a meal together on the phone (an improvised date night?), I can send him CDs or pictures or care packages or collages or art work made from the goodies he gave me for Christmas. Just cute ideas that show I'm thinking of him, ways to improvise being together though a couple thousand miles apart.
And I have sixteen vacation days, eleven that I have to use by the end of the year. I'm excited to see Boston, maybe Cape Cod, New York City... I haven't been out there since I was little. That's fun.
I'm jealous Matt gets to move to a cool new city. I like change, new things and planning. I've spent hours looking over apartment listings for him, purusing the cheapest airfare, and figuring out the bus and subway system.
And I can't reiterate how proud and excited I am for him. His trip to visit Boston to attend the Harvard Divinity School welcome days were just so great for him-- he absolutely loved it. Some of his fears and uncertainties were lessened and he felt more comfortable, capable, and so ready to jump into the exciting program -- it wasn't as snooty, formal, and intimidating as he had feared. It's just so perfect for him. We're so blessed! Harvard! Bah!!
Still, a two hour drive a few weekends a month is quite a difference from a plane ride a few times a year. It's a different mindset. We won't be able to randomly get weekends for football games or family things or parties or weddings. It's not "I'll have to see if I can get Matt to drive over for this" but thinking more in terms of going places alone or with my friends in St. Louis. Like, I was going to see if I could save my awesome 7th row free tickets for the Cards game until the Cards play the Royals in late June... but then found out that Matt may have already moved. So I took Jen a couple weekends ago - it was a wonderful time! But it's hard to think about someone you want to spend all of your time with playing an even smaller role in your day-to-day life.
One of his friends handed him a graduation present when he sat down in church last weekend -- a book: "How to Survive Long Distance Relationships". Nathan's long distance relationship hadn't quite worked out, so he thought he may as well pass the book along to Matt. Ha! Comforting... ;-)
Anyway, I don't have any real fears or worries. This isn't something I would worry about -- in a negative way. I am thinking about it to prepare myself for the pending differences and plan ways to keep close despite not seeing each other often. We already watched a TV show "together" (we watched an episode of Lost online while on the phone one night!), but we can also cook a meal together on the phone (an improvised date night?), I can send him CDs or pictures or care packages or collages or art work made from the goodies he gave me for Christmas. Just cute ideas that show I'm thinking of him, ways to improvise being together though a couple thousand miles apart.
And I have sixteen vacation days, eleven that I have to use by the end of the year. I'm excited to see Boston, maybe Cape Cod, New York City... I haven't been out there since I was little. That's fun.
I'm jealous Matt gets to move to a cool new city. I like change, new things and planning. I've spent hours looking over apartment listings for him, purusing the cheapest airfare, and figuring out the bus and subway system.
And I can't reiterate how proud and excited I am for him. His trip to visit Boston to attend the Harvard Divinity School welcome days were just so great for him-- he absolutely loved it. Some of his fears and uncertainties were lessened and he felt more comfortable, capable, and so ready to jump into the exciting program -- it wasn't as snooty, formal, and intimidating as he had feared. It's just so perfect for him. We're so blessed! Harvard! Bah!!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
so blogspot, eh?
I found during my daily wandering around facebook today, that my dear cousin and long-time friend, Lindsay, has a blogspot. I was wondering what happened to her in xanga-land, but was happy to be able to catch up on a bit of her life. For instance, she and her husband may be moving to New York City. What?!?!!? I was thrilled! But why are my closest people suddenly migrating East? Bizarre occurances. Anyway, Lindz, jump at the opportunity! That rocks. I still have trouble grasping how big of a modeling sensation you are. My lil' farm girl :)
I haven't been good at writing regularly at xanga. I feel like my entries there are more... entertainment, fun stories, randomness. I like to keep up with my many friends' lives, but not necessarily share and bore people to death. Maybe I'll type out some of my feelings here.
I've been reading an amazing book. It's called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I love his writing style, life stories, and such a fresh look at life in Christ -- away from Christian society's lame confining control. We, American Christianity, have been so decieved. We have bought into disgusting lies about consumerism, power, affluence, and close mindedness. Some people of my friends have teasingly called me liberal, activist, etc. but I just want to get back to the core of Jesus. Talk about a liberal activist. But then I laugh at the seeming contradictions in my life. Liberal hippies don't work at investment firms. Oh well, everything is askew with stereotypes.
So when I say I'm trying to figure everything out... I literally am. When I say I don't have a clue where I'm supposed to be, what I should be doing... I don't. When I am confused by who I am, my passions and dreams and talents, what I want to spend my life doing, I am not exagerating my confused state. I somehow seem to have not really looked closely at the path I was heading down. And now, suddenly the insanity of movement, doing, involvement, running and reacting that has characterized my spastic, crazy (don't get me wrong - fun & happy, too!) life the last 6 years has died down. I sit bored, getting the life sucked out of me at my job wondering, how did I get here? Who would want to do this? What happened? Who am I?
Most of my hand written journal entries lately have been mostly questions, I think? :) And I'm not saying I think it's wrong to have an office job managing retirement pension plans for millions of people. No... and I'm not saying that I'm incredibly unhappy and depressed. I still enjoy life. haha! I'm just thinking and reflecting, on the path to eventually draw some conclusions. Getting more post-modern. Like, I shouldn't complain -- how many billions of people would love to have a job pushing papers in freaking America getting paid a living wage. I'm not saying my life is bad. It's just, maybe I could get a job to serve others to improve their living conditions. I just feel too comfortable. And arguably, I don't think that's a good place to be in as a Christian. It's become acceptable to be a comfortable, selfish Christian -- I don't want that fate for me. I want to be the change I want to see in the world!
Time for lunch. Crepes today :)
I haven't been good at writing regularly at xanga. I feel like my entries there are more... entertainment, fun stories, randomness. I like to keep up with my many friends' lives, but not necessarily share and bore people to death. Maybe I'll type out some of my feelings here.
I've been reading an amazing book. It's called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I love his writing style, life stories, and such a fresh look at life in Christ -- away from Christian society's lame confining control. We, American Christianity, have been so decieved. We have bought into disgusting lies about consumerism, power, affluence, and close mindedness. Some people of my friends have teasingly called me liberal, activist, etc. but I just want to get back to the core of Jesus. Talk about a liberal activist. But then I laugh at the seeming contradictions in my life. Liberal hippies don't work at investment firms. Oh well, everything is askew with stereotypes.
So when I say I'm trying to figure everything out... I literally am. When I say I don't have a clue where I'm supposed to be, what I should be doing... I don't. When I am confused by who I am, my passions and dreams and talents, what I want to spend my life doing, I am not exagerating my confused state. I somehow seem to have not really looked closely at the path I was heading down. And now, suddenly the insanity of movement, doing, involvement, running and reacting that has characterized my spastic, crazy (don't get me wrong - fun & happy, too!) life the last 6 years has died down. I sit bored, getting the life sucked out of me at my job wondering, how did I get here? Who would want to do this? What happened? Who am I?
Most of my hand written journal entries lately have been mostly questions, I think? :) And I'm not saying I think it's wrong to have an office job managing retirement pension plans for millions of people. No... and I'm not saying that I'm incredibly unhappy and depressed. I still enjoy life. haha! I'm just thinking and reflecting, on the path to eventually draw some conclusions. Getting more post-modern. Like, I shouldn't complain -- how many billions of people would love to have a job pushing papers in freaking America getting paid a living wage. I'm not saying my life is bad. It's just, maybe I could get a job to serve others to improve their living conditions. I just feel too comfortable. And arguably, I don't think that's a good place to be in as a Christian. It's become acceptable to be a comfortable, selfish Christian -- I don't want that fate for me. I want to be the change I want to see in the world!
Time for lunch. Crepes today :)
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